


how can i be fine with being alone

by coffeefixies



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving On, Post-Break Up, Post-Idol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:42:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28216398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeefixies/pseuds/coffeefixies
Summary: Haechan was Mark's ex. It's where this story started. Haechan is the one who broke and hopeless, can't pretend they're gone.Little did he knows, Mark missed him too. A little too much.based on; arash buana, raissa anggiani - if u could see me cryin' in my room.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	how can i be fine with being alone

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to my girlfriend, my support system, my everything that help me making this story; raisha i wuff yaaa! ~ :D 
> 
> english isn't my first language, please bear with it. ^^ happy reading!

There is a situation where we have memories of something or even someone that we see, even if only in a line of sight. Bring back old buried memories, to make the soul leave the body in an instant. Feelings longed for, and feelings that carry many feelings, involve many different thoughts.

That afternoon, Haechan met Mark. For the first time since their last bitter breakup. Mark, his Mark that still shines among the others, his smile is still as warm as the morning sun that Haechan likes, his arms are still outstretched when explaining something excitedly. Haechan observes, his back is still slightly bent, his towering posture makes Mark have the habit of looking down a little so that the voice and intentions of his interlocutors can be heard clearly. His Mark still shines.

"Haechan," the darkness started coloring the clouds when Haechan and Mark came out of the practice room. "Where are you going usually after our practice?" Mark asked, trying to match his big steps with Haechan beside him.

Haechan smiled, Mark recently joined his team for training together, it's only been a few weeks, also the two are not that close. "Me, with Jaemin. Usually eat hotpot or go to his house first." Turning to Mark who nodded understandingly, "Why?"

The one who was asked shook his head, rubbed his nape awkwardly while showing his chuckle. "It is okay." Himself answered. "I heard from Renjun, the bus we're heading back are same... I've come home following your clock, but never met you anywhere." His smile is warm, the first time Haechan was given Mark's smile only for himself. For a moment, Haechan trembled, he doesn't know what it is but there was a familiar feeling that emerged.

Haechan laughed, dispelling the awkwardness between the two. "I see," the smaller man smiled amusedly. Mark looks so shy with him, but Haechan sometimes saw Mark act silly in front of the others. "Maybe you mean, offered to go home together?" There is a warm smile that Haechan puts on to make Mark relax a little.

The taller man was nodding enthusiastically, when he smiled, his eyes narrowed while the smile between his teeth widened. Mark bowed before saying goodbye, saying that his training wasn't over that day and only drove Haechan out of the building. Mark was so stupid that day. A fool that Haechan won't think will steal his heart and take away his feelings.

Some things happen to be remembered, some are something that should be forgotten. Haechan doesn't know, his past with Mark, which one to enter. 

"Oh, Haechan?" Mark called out, making Haechan blink a few times, smiling before waving his hand. The crowd that had been surrounding Mark for the benefit of idols and fans had gone out, Mark approached him. "How are you?"

How are you, he said. Haechan laughed heartily. In the past, there was never a word between the two of them, each of them already knew what their partner was feeling. The one asked nodded, still smiling. "Okay, my album will be out this week." He gave the news, Mark nodded understandingly.

The two's gazes met for the first time in a long time, there was a shudder radiating from their pupils. Haechan and Mark know that they are not just memories that drop by as the past. There was a scratch of fate made by the two of them, more than that. More than others have seen. Mark pulled a smile, "Good luck!" Encouraging himself, his hands pulled before his conscious scowl, Haechan and everything that no longer belonged to him.

There was a huge wall that the two of them accidentally created, but each of them knew that it was a barrier made for each other. Protect themself from the memories of many previous incidents that they passed.

"Haechan!" Mark called out, his voice like a lemon cake relaxing whenever he made a sound, Haechan who was hanging his bag — rushed home, turned his head. Mark called Haechan to walk to his side. There are two chocolate cookies that Mark gave to Haechan, as an apology because he was going to be late today, even though Haechan didn't mind waiting, the cookies in his hand he still ate with a glass of lemon water.

Two hours of waiting, when the sun in June had set, Mark immediately approached Haechan with sweat on his forehead, his smile did not fade. Haechan rubbed his handkerchief to get rid of Mark's sweat, patting his head a few times before saying, "I want to buy ice cream, do you want to accompany me?"

There was an enthusiastic nod that Mark gave, "Wherever you go, I'll come!" Mark chuckled to invited chuckles from the others. Haechan patted Mark's head playfully.

"If I go to splash in the lake, will you come?" Haechan teased, showing an amused smile when Mark seemed genuinely thinking about his words. "I will come! And, be the one who keeps you from falling."

It was Haechan's cheeks that blushed after Mark finished saying his words, there was also Mark whose eyes were slowly staring at Haechan, he smiled. There they were, that day was the beginning of everything.

Haechan stared at him, after discussing several things of personal and group interests, Mark left, the man is very busy lately. It was evident from his face plastered all over the city center to attend this and that event. Haechan smiled, there was a trace of regret that came after realizing that all this time it was him who had not risen from the memories of that time.

There are things that must be forgotten, there are also things that should be remembered but given up. Then, Haechan realized that he still wanted to come back. At the time the two were still free to hug each other.

+++ 

"Mark, you can just leave me alone." Haechan lowered his head, legs bent with arms hugging his knees, his voice cracking with shaking shoulders. In the corner of the practice room, Haechan was crying. The tears that had been held since earlier finally broke down when all the members left. At that time, Haechan looked very messy. There was something that rocked his career when their group almost reached the peak of their career. Haechan was showered with many hurtful words, as well as for all those who defended him.

When Mark was about to say no, Haechan shook his head strongly, "You can't say no." Haechan lifted his face, there were traces of tears leaving his nose flushed, Mark approached to wipe away the tears that were still flowing. Haechan get hugged, an uncomfortable hug but Mark hopes that Haechan knows that he is here. Mark won't leave him.

"Haechan, please. I will stay by your side." Mark held his hand, trying to convince. His Haechan is a person who is discouraged, there are times when he will feel that the world does not love him, there are also times when he will feel that he is not worthy of being loved. Mark understands that very well. In the end, their bickering did not meet the bright spot, they parted ways that day. Mark and Haechan are no longer walking in the same direction.

There are days when Mark is still trapped in memory with Haechan at night. Himself and their happiness. There is regret that comes every night, about the separation of the two. If at that time he didn't give up on Haechan's decision, if Mark had guessed what Haechan would say and didn't let it happen, if at that time he didn't feel confident that Haechan would come back again in his arms, if at that time Haechan was always with him.

There were too many ifs that only Mark could think of when his body could no longer catch up to Haechan.

This afternoon the two of them met for the first time in a long time, Haechan with his smile that was still the same, the blush on his cheeks that Mark still memorized when he was embarrassed. There is a flash of longing that Mark believes his eyes have the same glow. Again regret came when Mark had to fulfill several calls from his manager, making the meeting between him and Haechan only that short. It's that short.

If Haechan also knew, there was Mark who missed him too. Will they come home together tonight again? Or, just chatting at their favorite restaurant first? Or, even finish their two affairs with a great fight? It's okay, if Haechan knew Mark still loved him so much.

In the end, that day and the days that followed, both Mark and Haechan could only regret inwardly. Cursing each other's mistakes for not having the courage to start something, Haechan wanted to apologize for what had happened. As well as Mark and his longing for a long time.

+++ 

It had been a long time when the two of them met the last time. And, for the first time in several months, Haechan and Mark attended one event. Although there was nothing that made the two of them able to interact in public or at the end of the event, there was a flower bouquet that Mark brought with a big smile. Several juniors greeted him, looking relaxed because Mark's mood was good.

The event this time involved a dinner at the end of the activity, where all the guest stars gathered and talked. It's been a long time since Mark and Haechan looking at each other, there are sad lyrics appearing in Haechan's eyes, making other men confused about what happened.

Or, what will happen.

The dinner this time was lively, with some new faces that Mark could only see recently on television channels. A lot of people also recognized him and exchanged a few words. There was still a large bouquet of flowers in her hand, leading some to tease Mark chapter for and to whom the flowers were addressed. 

His eyes wandered, then found Haechan and Ryujin who were being interviewed by several news stations, inviting several pairs of eyes staring at them.

"Uh," Haechan coughed, rubbing the nape of his neck nervously a few times before giving him a smile. "There will be some activities that we do together in the future." Haechan began, on the question of why the two of them seem so close these days. The answer was then nodded by Ryujin. 

"Working with Haechan, makes me feel good." Ryujin continued, "We've been dating for several months." Their smiles were plastered, making many people whisper their opinions, some asked, some praised. Camera flashes of many news shows color both places.

Then chaotic, continued with the many questions asked by journalists. Leaving Mark with his world collapsing, he showed a grim smile, once again looking at the two people who had just announced their relationship to the public. Mark looked down, trying to ignore everything even though he knew that Haechan was staring at him. Acting as if he never had a love for him was the dumbest game Mark had ever played.

Then, Mark realized. He doesn't know where to go after this. How can he be okay alone, all this time Mark is only afraid of losing Haechan, again his confidence is sticking as if there is no possibility that Haechan will actually leave him.

If you could see me crying in my room.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this, it means a lot for me if you enjoyed it! ;—; hope your day went well after read this stories, hehe. 🤩
> 
> for those peeps who haven't move on, that's okay... everything takes time but remember people come and go easily. 🍎💖


End file.
